Owning Who You Are

I wish people recognized who they are, the good and the bad. Most people when asked to describe themselves say: nice, funny, caring, adventurous…..all positive things. Yet what people don’t say is they can be a**holes, mean, insensitive, snobby, confusing, fragile, or stubborn. Why are people afraid to use these words to describe themselves? Admitting to yourself or to others the “negative” aspects of your personality does not diminish the positive side. All these things make up who you are at this moment in time. It does not determine who you will be tomorrow; one shouldn’t be afraid to embrace and recognize these “negative” aspects of your personality.

I am not saying be proud to be a jerk but if you have the tendency to be, then recognize it. The only way to better yourself and grow (if that is what you want) is to be fully aware of who you are. If you just acknowledge being a great person and ignore the possibility of not so great characteristics within yourself, then you will always be who you are in this moment. Just because you think you are a great person doesn’t mean you actually are. 

I would say I am decent person, but I am aware of various “negative” sides to being me, Adrian. Everyday I wake up and try to be the best person I can be in this moment, sometimes I succeed and other days…well I can be a jerk. The things is I don’t beat myself down when I do not have a great day because I am aware that I have this in myself, but I am working on improving it. The hard part is for the people around you. Some friends know all of you,  they can handle and accept your less than fabulous moments. While others may not know or accept the less glamorous side. 

Owning who you are is hard; you have to live with who you are everyday. The sooner you recognize who you are the faster you can try and become a better person, not just for yourself but for those around you. 

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Small Expectations

This may sound weird but I think of the most negative things one can have in life is expectations. Growing up and being the “smart one” so many people would tell me they expected me to do great things. When people expect things from you there’s this automatic fear of not reaching those expectations and being a failure. Not reaching the potential all these people expect you to reach, or maybe even expectations you put upon yourself. 

All those expectations that are fed to you can start manipulating decisions you make. You may even start believing these expectations need to come true, even if it’s not what you really want. Sometimes people get so swept up in expectations that they decide to try and reach those expectations. The problem is, you can’t fake your way down a path you don’t believe in. No matter how strong the desire to please these people with expectations for you (family, teachers, friends, strangers), forcing yourself to do something you don’t really want only leads to emptiness. 

Sometimes we put expectations on ourselves. The thing is life is chaos and not everything you desire can come to fruition. When you don’t reach those expectations; you assume you are a failure, you didn’t try hard enough, or you just aren’t worth achieving it. No matter how much work you put into it, you aren’t meant to reach those expectations. By no means should this diminish who you are, it’s just one of those things you need to shake off and move on from. You should admire the work and effort you put into it, and not dwell on not reaching the “expectation”. 

I’ve seen, and I’ve been one of those myself, so many people work and stress themselves beyond the breaking point for these so called expectations. At the end of the day you need do to what feels good to you, and not expect anything from it. If you pick a path it shouldn’t be to reach the end, it should be to experience that journey. If you start something off already expecting what the end will be, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. All you need to believe in is your potential, and that could take you to unexpected places. 

 

Give Yourself A Break

Life can be hard enough on its own, but when you start blaming yourself for things it only seems that much darker. So many of us have the tendency when things go wrong we blame ourselves. Maybe we didn’t try hard enough. Maybe we aren’t good enough. Maybe we aren’t special enough. You can’t control when life is going to give you a break but you do have control over your own mind. Sometimes things aren’t going to work out but that doesn’t mean it was because of you.

We blame ourselves for a variety of things. Not getting a job, having a relationship not work out, a child making bad decisions, not getting that A on an exam…on and on the list can go. Not everything in life is going to work out the way you want it to, and you aren’t to blame. Maybe we blame ourselves because of our own insecurities.  We don’t have faith in our decisions and actions. The moment something doesn’t work out we blame ourselves because we doubted ourselves all along to begin with. We knew we would fail; we just didn’t work hard enough, prepare enough, or be worth enough for this thing to work out. 

The thing is if you want something, and I mean really want something, you will do everything you can. When it doesn’t work out that doesn’t mean you didn’t do everything in your power, it just means it’s not meant to be. Don’t blame or doubt yourself. Maybe it wasn’t the moment. Maybe it just isn’t meant to be. Learn to celebrate even when you don’t succeed. Success shouldn’t be defined by crossing the finish line, but by acknowledging the effort you put in. 

Who Has Their Sh*t Together…

I don’t know if this is just me, but sometimes I look at people and think, this person really has their life in order. I suddenly started wondering if people in my life think I have my stuff together. I would say for the most part I have my outer self pretty in control, but I don’t think I have my sh*t together by any means. How many of these people I see, that seemingly have everything under control, are actually just as messy internally as I am. Maybe they have the “fake it until you make it” mentally. 

Confession: I don’t have my sh*t together…and that’s okay. 

I have come to realize that not having myself completely together doesn’t mean i am immature, lazy, or a failure. I just haven’t found that equilibrium. Who knows if we actually ever find that moment. Maybe it’s something that just comes naturally. It seems various pieces can be in place but there always seems to be something that is just missing. 

I have a secure job, home, friendships, and family but there is just things I feel I am missing. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for what I have in my life but I just want to have that moment where I feel complete. Maybe I put too much pressure on the universe to give me all these pieces. Maybe I am just too impatient. I just want to wake up one morning and be full. Not have anything I want more from life, the moment i am in has everything that I want and need.  

 

 

A Daily Rant

Being a gay man, I’ve always tried to walk this line of not allowing the fact that I am gay define me as a person. I am more than just a gay man, that’s just a tiny aspect of who I am. Yet in the wolrd we live in now, that aspect is a big label I must choose to wear or hide. This moment in history calls for those who want change to speak loudly, and wear that label as visible as possible. There is nothing wrong with being gay but just not broadcasting it, that’s a personal choice. But in order to make change happen, we must change us. We must wear this label until the world realizes that this label is nothing more than just a tiny part of that person, not something that should define them.

I live in a world where I live in fear of holding another man’s hand or kissing a man I love in public. No one should live in a world where being themselves puts their life at risk. I know who I am, and so should the world. I am someone who wants to love and be loved. Why should I be afraid of love? Why should I be afraid to show my love to the world?

I want to live in a world where the word gay/lesbian/transgender are obsolete. I don’t want to be defined by a word. I want to be define by the kind of person I am. How I treat others. How I allow others to treat me. I just want to be Adrian.

Why can’t the world just be happy with that? 

 

Keeping Positive 2014 Memories

Keeping Positive 2014 Memories

When I saw this on Instagram, I instantly knew I wanted to do it.

A lot of times as our year starts wrapping up we think about all the hardships we’ve faced, so it’s quite easy to forget the great moments we experienced throughout a year. We especially forget those moments that are minuscule in the over all memory, but in that moment brought us great pleasure and happiness.

I would encourage all of you working on grasping more of life’s positivity to make your own jar. Write down those moments that made you smile as soon as you can. As the year goes on you’ll be able to look at the growing abundance of happiness in that jar. Come New Years Eve 2015, open it up and start the new year with so much good mojo.

Imprinted Words

Imprinted Words

We’ve always heard words carry power, but imagine if the words you spoke became visible on your skin. The words you spoke to others would become visible for everyone to see. Would you be proud of your skin, or would you cover yourself up to hide the words written on them?

Now imagine not only the words you verbalize would appear on your skin, but the things you say to yourself. Not just your thoughts about other people, but what you say about yourself. Stupid. Worthless. Fat. Ugly.

When you speak and think negativty, you become engulfed in a negative world. Learn to appreciate others, and love yourself. If you want your skin to be beautiful, then make your mind as beautiful as you can make it.