Right Now vs Right


     Was reading an article last night that discussed the norms and behavior expected when trying to talk to someone online. Being twenty-four I really can’t discuss what it was like dating before the Internet and all the social/dating sites that now exist, but what I can discuss is how exhausting it is. I’m sure dating before the Internet had its disadvantages as well, but the Internet definitely brought new and probably more complex issues. You sign up for these sites and apps, then anxiously wait for a message or if you are brave enough, you make the first move. You spend hours checking these sites, hoping a message will appear. Then, you see a new message in your inbox, only to open it and find that it’s just someone basically wanting sex. Dead end! These sites are able to connect you to a lot more people than you could just walking around in the world searching for the right person. Yet, with more possibilities you still can’t find that right person. More possibilities but less results, that’s a bit depressing when you think about it.

       I understand there is people who don’t want a relationship, they just want to calm the urges of the human body. Yet, a lot of these people disguise themselves as looking for friends and relationships, when all they really want is sex. Lets play fair here, if you want sex just say it. I want a relationship, I don’t go on these sites advertising something I don’t want. If everyone was just honest, we would all save time. If it wasn’t for my lack of social skills I would by-pass these sites, and just find someone out and about. Sadly, for the moment these are my options. 

     Someone told me I’m just old fashion and this is the way it is now. Maybe with such easy access to numerous people, many of us have taken for granted finding the right person quickly. Why worry about mr/ms right, when the Internet makes it easy to connect to all these people, it’ll happen at some point, for the time being ill just worry about right now. In the old days, you only had contact with the people around your area so there was no time to play around with all these random people, when you felt a spark you went for it because there wasn’t this buffet of people you could go through. You couldn’t risk just a one night stand, because who knows how long it would take to find another connection. 

     The Internet also seemed to paint this image that the perfect person is out there for you. There’s so many people, if someone has a trait you don’t like, you can just easily dismiss them. Sorry to break it to you, the perfect one doesnt exist! There’s no love at first sight either, sorry for that as well. Stop looking for perfection, or you will spend your whole life looking for something that doesn’t exist. Don’t disregard someone because they have a tiny imperfection. Love is about accepting each other, and growing as much together as individually. So your boyfriend’s farts smell like dead fish, I’d rather have someone with smelly farts that loves me, than being alone because I can’t date someone who farts sea life. As corny as it is, love does conquer all. These little imperfections will be overshadowed by the love you have for that person, just give it time and allow yourself to look pass these things in the beginning. 

     Yet, I keep these sites going because who knows where you will find the right one. Love isn’t just for the lucky. Love is for everyone who truly wants it, sometimes it just takes longer for some of us. So what if I’m old fashion, I can’t be the only one out there. It will happen, in the mean time I just have to be happy with myself and put out love in the world. They say you only get back what you put out there. So negativity and self loathing are out the window, positivity and happiness are back in style. 

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One thought on “Right Now vs Right

  1. The internet has been awesome in that it’s reduced the cost of searching. 15 years ago, you would have to go to bars and sift through people in person, or chance upon people at work or in other random places. Trust me. For centuries people have bemoaned the fact that they couldn’t simply filter out individuals with undesirable or unattractive characteristics before they had to go through the awkward task of meeting them face to face. With the internet, now you can. You can put in the criteria that you are looking for and the criteria that rule someone out for you, and you can search through more people all at once. And particularly for the LGBT community, these services immediately answer the question “is this person one of us”, removing one of the most terrifying parts, historically, of trying to find a match.

    But as the quantity of available people has increased, so has the amount of noise in the system. There are more good apples, but more bad apples too. And there’s always been a difference between what people say they want and what they reveal that they want. It’s not just people who want sex claiming to want a relationship that’s a problem. People on matching services like GPS apps have learned, through an abundance of empirical evidence, that many if not most people who claim to be only looking for a relationship or friendship want sex but just don’t want to feel cheap. So you approach them from a “let’s be friends” angle and once you meet you know it’ll quickly be wham, bam, thank you ma’am. Heck, plenty of times you will receive awkward messages like, “Looking?” from someone who clearly states on their profile that they are not looking. It’s just a matter of catching them in the right time or place. Also, people figure that if they can mask their undesirable characteristic by omitting or falsifying it, that if they can get someone to meet their positive characteristics can overwhelm their flaws. These and other forces lead to an environment where it actually is a very poor bet to believe the information that people post about themselves, which ironically means that you have to spend a lot of awkward time sorting through them face-to-face anyway, just like in the bad old days. The improvement, however, is that now you can do the initial sorting at home, which opens up the dating markets to people who are busy or people who are shy. And again, that question of “is this person one of us” is immediately answered.

    And maybe the perfect person is out there for you. Maybe perfect people. If someone’s one-in-a-million, that means there’s six of them just in the Houston metro area. Also, it’s “old-fashioned”.

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