Why do we set ourselves up to fail just to feel momentary love, or what we perceive to be love? Why is our desire to feel love so vital that we compromise our mind and heart? We lie to ourselves and take anything that could give us that momentary high, the illusion of love. We’ve all been there, we are in a situation that brings us happiness and even the feel of love but we know that it’s not the real thing. Yet we tell our minds that we know what we are doing, we are in control, we can walk away with out any damage.
As a child we have this image of love whether it comes from seeing our parents (for those lucky ones that have happy parents), the prince and princess in our favorite animated movies, or even those in the story book fairy tales. But it’s not until you experience the taste of love as an adult, that it’s true nature becomes visible. Love can be magical and wonderful, but many times reaching that fairy tale is a journey filled with hurt and sadness. Many of us become hurt, and as I’ve mentioned in past post, start to equate love to hurt. A relationship that we assumed was true love ends and with it, a bitterness invades your heart. Some of us are lucky and with just time can defeat the bitterness and hurt. Yet many of us are left with something that has tarnished the image of love.
Relationships with anyone can tarnish love, a lover, friend, and even family. Once tarnished, it can lead to us taking an unhealthy path. How many times have you seen someone end a relationship to just jump into another relationship that will never work or is unhealthy. Someone staying in a relationship that is filled with terror, the partner physically and/or emotionally hurts them. Some people end up sleeping with numerous people in a short period of time. I’m even guilty, holding on to someone that doesn’t love me but throws me a bone from time to time. We all want the same thing, love; even if it’s just a temporary or even a false sense of love. People put themselves in a situation that the mind knows is wrong but as long as the heart gets some attention they continue it. The desire to feel love is so strong, that the impending fallout is blindly ignored.
What I’ve come to realize is that the behavior can be remedied by focusing on oneself. This desire to find love outwardly in unhealthy manners, can be attributed to ones inability to be satisfied with oneself. Being in a loving relationship brings many joys, but that joy can also be achieved independently. Learning to be happy with one self and letting go the desire of needing someone else to vocally express that you are being loved is not easy. You shouldn’t need anyone to validate that you are special enough to be loved. Look in the mirror and realize that you are special. Love yourself, and don’t focus on the flaws you see in yourself, look at what you have to offer. We all have flaws, that doesn’t make us unloveable. Some people’s quest for love comes from much more deep rooted issues, and should never feel embarrassed or like a failure to look for professional help. I truly believe RuPaul’s slogan “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else”. Stop putting yourself in unhealthy situations to feel love that isn’t the fairy tale kind. Don’t lower your standards, and let someone abuse your heart. Learn to love yourself, and the outside love will come on it’s own accord.