The worst thing about experiencing love, is experiencing the breakup after the love is gone. I’m by no means an expert in this, having experienced only one real breakup, but I’ve definitely learn a lot. This post doesn’t apply to those breakups of a month long relationship, this is about a real breakup, a breakup from that person you thought you would walk down the aisle with. I’ve made some pointers for the person doing the break, and the one experiencing.
1. Walk out with your head held high. If you are the one broken up, with don’t say or do anything you would regret. In that moment, emotions are in disarray and it’s very easy to go crazy. Don’t give that person who doesn’t value you the satisfaction of seeing you lose your mind.
2. Let’s not be friends. When my ex broke up with me, the magical words “lets still be friends” were spoken by him. Seriously? Words of advice if you are going to break up with someone who loves you, they don’t want to hear this. In that moment there is already so much going on in their mind, trying to process the idea of remaining friends after you broke their heart will make them go crazy. I’m not saying ex’s can’t be friends (it’s what I believe, but I wont tell you don’t try it), but when the wound is freshly made is not the ideal time to bring it up. Let both people heal, and if the opportunity is there then try it.
3. Be honest. If you are breaking up with someone, be honest about the reasons. If you have been dating for a long period of time, there has been a melting of friends so the truth is bound to be discovered. The whole “it’s not you, it’s me” breakup is a load of rubbish. If you made a mistake, don’t be a coward. Being honest is hard especially when you know it’s going to hurt someone’s feelings but it’s vital. The truth always surfaces, and it’s much better to experience all the hurt at once.
4. Call a friend. The easiest way to stay out of trouble when being dumped is to call a friend. Right after a breakup you can be a mess and not thinking clearly, a friend can help you. Sometimes just talking out the situation to a friend, can help the initial hurt. A friend will take your side, and be the voice of reason in a moment when yours is gone.
5. Change your routine. What I mean by this is, don’t go to a place where you might run into your new ex. I’m not saying completely go out of your way to never run into them, but if you normally hang out at the same bar, go to a different, easy changes. After a breakup you need time to get yourself semi together, and running into your ex can unravel any effort you’ve made moving on.
6. Don’t be afraid to cry. This might seem obvious, but I know people who try and pretend to be okay when they are not. You loved this person, and now it’s over, you can share a tear or a million tears its understandable. Holding it in, is not healthy for the process of moving on. Just let your body deal with the emotions that are running inside of it.
7. Don’t rush. I know feeling hurt sucks, so many of us just want to get back to being happy as soon as we can. But trying to rush this process won’t let you heal properly. The healing process isn’t just about not being sad anymore, but also about coming to terms with why the breakup happened and why it’s for the best. Not everyone bounces back the same, you have to go your own rate.
8. Don’t sleep away your hurt. We’ve all been there, after a breakup you can get a little…well for lack of a better word, whoreish. I actually don’t see anything wrong with someone who sleeps around, they are adults and it’s their life. But I don’t agree with this behavior after a breakup, your mind is not in it’s right state so you can make bad decisions. You just want to fill the void that is missing, sleeping around is not the right way to fill that void and can only make the hurt linger on.
9. Don’t hold your breathe. I’m guilty of this, even though I was the one broken up with I still held hope that we would get back together. Don’t know what it is inside of us, that even when we are told “no” we still hold hope that it’ll become a “yes”. Maybe the mind wants to try and make the breakup easier, but it only makes it worse. The faster you come to terms that it is over, completely over, the faster you can heal and move on.
Breakups suck, not getting around that. No secret to not feel the pain, sorry it’s going to hurt. It’ll probably hurt for a while too, no secret to a quick fix. Just know that it’ll get better, corny I know, but you will get over it. You will look back and laugh at how much of a mess you were for someone who wasn’t worth it. Just know you’ll find someone else, but don’t bring the negativity from your breakup to this new relationship. Breakups happen, but just know that it just wasn’t the right person for you. Be grateful, that you are now closer to your real true love.