Birds and the Bees in 2013

My parents luckily never had the dreaded “birds and the bees” talk with me. I am not sure if they just assumed I was innocent and had no desire to have sex or they just didn’t want to have the talk themselves. Either way I am grateful for having missed that whole awkward situation. My mom saying penis or vagina in spanish is just something I can’t even imagine, and hope I never get to experience that. 

I learned about sex through media outlets. In retrospect learning about sex through movies and tv is probably not the most healthy thing but it helped me get through it well enough. I was a late bloomer, I didn’t get down until twenty-one. Not that I was saving myself or anything but it just worked out that way. Over the years I’ve come to a few conclusions about having sex for the first time…

1. Saving Yourself. I am not a fan of the “saving yourself for marriage” idea; sexual compatibility is important, finding out you don’t have that with your lover on your wedding night…awkward. There is something in the saving yourself for the right person. Having sex for the first time is actually a pretty big deal, not in a life changing way, but in the way that your first experience can carry repercussions to future experiences. You need to make sure the person you are sharing your first time with will be patient and caring, you don’t want to have a bad experience on your first time and then assume it’ll always be like that. 

2. Sex is Fun. Sex is not like in the movies, it’s not that easy and fun. It can definitely get there, but your first few times won’t feel so magical. One of the most important things about sex is knowing your body and what you like, that only comes with time and practice. The first few times expect some head butts, and awkward moments. So relax and just take it slow. 

3. Experienced. This goes along with what i said on one, the first time you have sex should be with someone that has experience. You are already a bit nervous because you aren’t sure about what happens, so having someone that knows what they are doing will make the experience a bit more pleasurable and educational. Of course, make sure this person is someone that will treat you right and not take advantage. 

4. Safety. This is something that should go without saying but make sure you are safe. Guys wrap it up, and ladies take that pill. Sometimes when it’s your first time you are at the mercy of the other individual, and some may want to take advantage and tell you that it’s not the way it’s really done. Just because its your first time doesn’t mean you don’t have a say in what is going to happen. 

5. Don’t Rush. Just because everyone around you is having sex doesn’t mean you have to. It’s important to not rush into this because once you do it, that’s it. You want to make sure you are ready and also know who you are sharing this experience with. 

6. Research. It’s vital if you have never had sex to look it up. This generation has the easy access to information on anything, don’t take it for granted. While sex is natural, it doesn’t mean we are built with a sex file in our brain that houses all you need to know. Sex is more than just inserting bits and pieces into other bits and pieces. A good source of information is a close friend, they will be the best at telling you all you can expect and then some. 

7. Big Deal. I mention that sex for the first time can be a big deal for future experiences, but other than that it’s not going to change your life much. Don’t expect to finish having sex and have this sense of enlightenment (although during it you might think you found it) or change. Sex is a natural human thing, so doing it doesn’t really change much (I mean unless you get pregnant of course). Don’t think you did it wrong when you finish and you don’t feel different.

The most important thing is to just wait until you are ready. Life is long, so there’s no rush.  I will leave you with this little gem, sex really is much better when you experience it with someone you love. I know I know, you can roll your eyes at me. Hopeless romantic, can’t help it. 



3 thoughts on “Birds and the Bees in 2013

  1. Wow, I could not help but feel very sad reading this concept of sexuality. It is so unhealthy and nerve wracking. But I don’t believe you are alone in your practice or thought. As a counselor however, I see that these ideas have cause deep ingrained frustrations, rage, brokenness, destruction and curses all around me.
    I chose one man, one time. After 35 years, our sexual passion is greater than ever. With no sexual aids, pills or otherwise.
    I fear this obsession with self sex is going to bring us to our Viagra knees. But thanks for sharing a view that I know to be rampant today. I just hope more people are strong enough to live deeper and love stronger. 🙂

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