Can I Get Some Advice?


For those who have been following me for a while have read a bit about my ex. For those who are barely stumbling upon my blog, “hello and welcome”, I’ll give you a little review. My ex was my first real relationship, and the first person I ever told “I love you” to. Things ended a bit messy when I got dumped because my ex was in love with someone else. After some time of not talking we got into the habit of talking and hanging out sometimes. We go through spaces of not talking for a while then my ex will randomly text me. We even did the whole “FB” thing, which I would have to say for the most part we handled pretty well.

I hadn’t seen or spoken to my ex for over a month, but I got a text a couple days ago. I wouldn’t say I had forgotten about my ex because I still think about him quite often but receiving a text just physicalized his existence. I have been in this state of happiness lately, and with it I let go of a lot of negative feelings I had towards him. But just because those negative feelings are gone doesn’t mean I am ready to embrace a friendship with him. What holds me back is that part of me still, or thinks, loves him. It’s been nine months since we ended our relationship, and for some reason I can’t shake that feeling. 

I know I should just let him completely go but  just don’t know how to tell him. I don’t just want to ignore his messages because I don’t want to be that rude guy and mostly because I can’t contain myself from responding. As much as I want him in my life I don’t know if I can handle him popping up from time to time. I want to know he is okay, but at the same time, every time he pops back in my heart flutters a little. 

I just texted him to see if he can meet up and talk. I just wanted to hear from you about what I should do. Should I even meet him? Should I go and declare my feelings and tell him to leave me alone forever? I just don’t know, but I feel saying and doing nothing won’t get me anywhere. 

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28 thoughts on “Can I Get Some Advice?

  1. All those feelings are so understandable; I used to be in the same boat myself. You just have to ask yourself if meeting with them will accomplish something–do you want to be just friends or will you find yourself wanting more than what you can have? If you’re in a really good place and won’t let meeting with your ex affect you I say go for it; if it’s going to bring you down I say keep your distance and continue your happiness.

    • In my mind meeting up will help me so I can vocalize my mindset to him, and he can understand why we can’t be friends. Part of me wants to use this meeting as a real final goodbye. Both of us talking respectfully and understanding why maybe going out seperate ways is the best. On the other side even just seeing him once in a blue moon makes me smile. So I just don’t know.

      Thanks for your thoughts.

  2. It sounds like there will always be feelings for him, which makes it all the more difficult to decipher what would be the best step in going forward. But you have to ask yourself what meeting with him will accomplish for yourself and what you hope to get out of it (his response and reaction). I think it is important to always be honest with yourself and the people in your life, people respect honesty, and hopefully he will understand. If you ignore him and push him away it may hurt the chance of having a future friendship with him.

    Best of luck, I hope you figure things out soon enough (:

    • Thanks for the thoughts. He is a pretty understand person, so he would take anything well I think but I just don’t know if I would. Part of me thinks if he keeps coming around maybe it’s a sign. Maybe I should try and keep him actively in my life. Now I’m just waiting to see if he wants to meet.

      • I think it may be a sign too, now to wait and see if he is willing. Best of luck, hope it works out for you 🙂

  3. If the way things are isn’t working out for you it’s probably a good idea to let him know. It’s a tough situation being in a half-hopeful-but-mostly-not relationship. If, in your own mind you can’t get past that hope you’re probably better off cutting off the friendship altogether. Maybe sometime down the road when you’ve found someone else you’ll be able to be friends with him again… and be comfortable in your heart just being friends.

      • You know, this is another way you can put that ‘choose to be happy’ philosophy into practice though. Just as you can choose to be happy you can choose to just go with the flow and see how things turn out. Or, as you say yourself, you can just let him go completely and allow him to fade into a happy memory of when you were together.
        In the end only you can decide what to do. I’m just trying to be supportive 🙂 not tell you what to do.

  4. In first line of the second to the last paragraph, you say what you think you should do. I agree with you. But it’s up to you to decide.
    I personally would not have a friendly relationship with someone who dumped me and fell in love with someone else. I’m not saying it’s his fault. It just happens and someone ends up getting hurt.
    My advice is to focus on solutions for yourself and not worry about him. Don’t even worry if ignoring him is rude. He may not even be expecting you to start a conversation about your feelings. You need to look after yourself.
    This is a good time to get to know other guys. Slowly, maybe. You might find someone special. You’re young, nice and good-looking.
    But in the end, the decision in yours. I may be wrong.

  5. i would say it may be easier not to see him if you have any sort of longing or hope for your love relationship to rekindle. give it time and space, both are invaluable. he knows how you feel and he chose to do his thing anyway. work on making yourself stronger as you journey towards meeting your next love and you will be ready ) beth

    • I wrote him an email earlier today instead of meeting, pretty much telling him I needed him to stay away if he couldnt give me what I wanted.

      I agree I need to become stronger to be ready to receive any future love. Thanks.

    • i think that was an excellent choice and will help you to gain the time and space you may need to grow. meeting him would have only delayed that process that you’ve already begun. best of luck to you, and you know you deserve much better, a full relationship, instead of only part of one. ) beth

  6. I would make sure you’re ready before you do anything; obviously you haven’t sorted out your feelings for him yet, which will take time, of course, and–granted, I don’t know him, but–it sounds like he might be the sort to use your feelings in order to keep you around when it’s convenient for him, and leave you in the cold when it isn’t. You might love him so much that you can’t see it that way, and maybe it’s just not the way it sounds and I’ve mischaracterized him, but either way: I’d say just be cautious, and make sure you know you are reasonably certain of what you want from whatever relationship you wish to pursue with him–as lovers, friends, or otherwise.

    That’s my advice. I hope everything turns out well for you both. 🙂

    • Do you know me? Haha how you described him is what my friends say. I choose to believe he doesn’t use me but I can see how that could be possible. I am weak when it comes to him, so I may let him walk all over me. Not the healthiest thing but I’m still weak. Hopefully the email I sent him will let things settle.

      • Haha Friends can usually be trusted, so I’d at least consider what they have to say. We’re all weak in love at the worst of times–I see it as the cost of the inner strength that love gives us in the best of times. I hope things settle, too. Hang in there, man!

  7. I think you did the right thing. I understand the temptation to go back to an ex, even though they are not right for you. It says a lot that you had the strength to say no, when you knew that it was better that you stayed away. Its so easy to get sucked back into bad relationships because you have strong feelings for the person in question. When I first started dating, I let myself get caught up with an ex, that I cared for quite a bit. After getting hurt a second time, I learned that even though it hurts, sometimes you just cant go back. There is a reason it ended in the first place. I hope you can find someone that you can love–that will give you plenty of happy times, instead of memories that you will have to work hard to move passed.

    -Evan
    xoxo

    • Thanks. I wish he would be the one to share fond memories with but his decision long ago makes this impossible. Hopefully someone will come into my life and makes me forget. Love that last sentence you wrote.

      • I am always around to chat if you ever need it! 🙂
        Someone will come into your life, but it takes time. Plus, I learned that I needed to do a lot of growing before I would be ready for that person. It sounds like you are doing a lot of growing, and heading in the right direction, I might add! So congrats. You did a hard thing; but, in the long run, you will be happy that you passed on a possibly bad repeat with an ex. And thank you! 🙂 Please message me whenever you’d like!
        Much love!

        Evan

      • It will definitely help you grow! And a cute guy like you will definitely find someone amazing! 🙂
        XOXO

  8. Ultimately, You have to think about what’s best for you and dedicate the courage to see it through. Even if it means upsetting others. You can drag it out until it falls apart on it’s own or leave with dignity.

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