Born Again Virgin

Well, it finally happened. I am a born again virgin. Okay, well maybe not that of an extreme but there definitely has been a shift. I have never been a big random hookup kind of person but it would happen from time to time. But since my breakup I have kind of become a hermit in that area of my life. As I’ve written before my ex and I would get together from time to time since our breakup and hook up. It didn’t dawn on me until this week that he is the exception. Let me explain.

This week I was in a situation where hooking up was bound to happen, we are talking literally seconds from happening and I just couldn’t do it. Something just wasn’t right so I couldn’t. I never really thought about it because I had been hooking up with my ex without problems but I just don’t have urge to have sex with a random person. Having sex with my ex was easy because there was emotions behind it, but doing it with someone I really didn’t know made me uncomfortable. I wasn’t able to relax and it didn’t feel natural. 

To be honest for a while I thought about sex as just a physical activity, where feelings could be separated but now I am in a place where I can’t separate emotions from the physical act. I always knew that having sex with someone you had feelings for made for a deeper connection, but I honestly thought I could have sex without a thread of emotions. Obviously other people have sex without connections, but I am at a point in my life where I am no longer able to do that. By no means is my new found perspective meant to be taken as a criticism to those who have random hookups. People derive happiness from different places. 

Maybe this journey to self happiness has shifted my perspective in more ways than I know. The state of pure happiness has turned the physical act of sex obsolete.  I can get the happiness of a physical activity by working out or doing yoga. I am now conscious of the frigidity of a random hookup. I don’t gain happiness from hooking up with someone who isn’t going to bring anything emotionally to the table. Having sex is a very personal thing, you are letting someone become the sole thing in your life for that span of time. That person should be someone who is worth you shutting the rest of the world out. Someone who thinks enough of you to do the same for you, and shut their world down temporarily. 


4 thoughts on “Born Again Virgin

  1. you are growing in many ways, but i do think you can still love and have sex and share a committed special relationship with someone without having to shut out the rest of the world. you are on your way.

  2. You have a very interesting perspective. I was just talking with a friend yesterday about how I tend to view sex as more a form of entertainment or as a tool. It has been a long time since I felt a romantic emotion while having sex…perhaps I should put that on my to do list.

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