Owning Who You Are

I wish people recognized who they are, the good and the bad. Most people when asked to describe themselves say: nice, funny, caring, adventurous…..all positive things. Yet what people don’t say is they can be a**holes, mean, insensitive, snobby, confusing, fragile, or stubborn. Why are people afraid to use these words to describe themselves? Admitting to yourself or to others the “negative” aspects of your personality does not diminish the positive side. All these things make up who you are at this moment in time. It does not determine who you will be tomorrow; one shouldn’t be afraid to embrace and recognize these “negative” aspects of your personality.

I am not saying be proud to be a jerk but if you have the tendency to be, then recognize it. The only way to better yourself and grow (if that is what you want) is to be fully aware of who you are. If you just acknowledge being a great person and ignore the possibility of not so great characteristics within yourself, then you will always be who you are in this moment. Just because you think you are a great person doesn’t mean you actually are. 

I would say I am decent person, but I am aware of various “negative” sides to being me, Adrian. Everyday I wake up and try to be the best person I can be in this moment, sometimes I succeed and other days…well I can be a jerk. The things is I don’t beat myself down when I do not have a great day because I am aware that I have this in myself, but I am working on improving it. The hard part is for the people around you. Some friends know all of you,  they can handle and accept your less than fabulous moments. While others may not know or accept the less glamorous side. 

Owning who you are is hard; you have to live with who you are everyday. The sooner you recognize who you are the faster you can try and become a better person, not just for yourself but for those around you. 

I Knew You Were Trouble

I Knew You Were Trouble

Think one of the most common realizations after a breakup is that you lost yourself somewhere in the relationship. You became so fully committed that you gave up parts of yourself to keep the relationship working. To make it worse is you realize the other person didn’t give up as much as you did because they never felt the same way about you. They never loved you enough to give up parts of themselves. Or they never loved you enough to accept you as you are without compromising who you are. When it’s over you are left on the cold hard ground.

Stop Holding On

Sometimes you meet someone that brings happiness and positivity to your life. Sometimes you date these people but for one reason or another it just doesn’t work out. They are so spectacular that you want to keep them part of your life. Yet, you know that keeping them close will only lead to hurt; seeing them with someone else, hearing them talk about their latest conquest in bed, or just hanging out and imagining what could of been if you had worked out.

You try and push them away, but they still remain on your mind. You try and let them in only a little, but soon their brilliance has bust the door wide open and you have set yourself up to be vulnerable. You know you shouldn’t allow them into your life again but feeling their positivity or their touch is worth allowing them back in, or so you tell yourself. You try and keep boundaries but all you want is to be immersed in their life again. You tell yourself….

Why don’t they want me

Why don’t they love me

Why don’t they open their eyes

Everything is about them, not you. Instead of asking “why don’t they…”, you should be asking “why don’t I”.

Why don’t I move on

Why don’t I love myself

Why don’t I open my eyes

They obviously don’t want you, so why aren’t you moving on? Why don’t you love yourself enough to stop putting yourself through these mind games? Why don’t you open your eyes and realize that they are over you and realize you don’t need them?

You can love someone and not have them in your life, it’s okay. I believe you should only have people in your life that love you as much as you love them. Don’t waste your time on those who don’t put you on the same pedestal you put them on. It’s not their fault or yours, it just works out that way sometimes.

Don’t go through life holding your breathe for this person to realize you are perfect for them. If they had you and didn’t realize this when you were dating, it’ll most definitely not happen after you have broken up. You need to realize you need to move on, cut them out. Don’t feel bad cutting them off, if they ever loved you they will realize why you must let them go and accept that. You might miss an opportunity with someone out there who will love you as much as you love them. 

 

Relapse

Don’t you just hate it when you’ve finally moved on, or think you’ve moved on, and then find yourself right back where you were before? Not to say where you were before is an awful place but it might not be the most healthy situation. It kind of crushes your confidence when you get this false illusion of strength, to only breakdown and let yourself fall back down. You were living your life thinking you are ready for life to bring you new and positive things.

But now here you are…waiting for the phone to ring.

But now here you are…waiting for your next hit.

But now here you are…waiting for that empty kiss.

But now here you are…waiting to hear the words “I Love You” when you know they carry no meaning.

But now here you are…waiting on life to pass you by.

But now here you are…waiting again to snap out of it.

Why are some of us destined to make the same mistakes over and over, while some can quickly escape? At some point we decide to give up, and assume maybe this is what’s meant to be if we can’t break the cycle. Maybe we aren’t meant to live the life we think we deserve; even when we are in the unhealthy cycle we know there’s something better, but it’s just not meant for us. Might as well embrace the situation we are stuck in and just deal with the consequences. We even talk ourselves into believing that maybe this time the situation will change for the better.

No matter how many times you may fall back down, get up. You’ve experience that moment of strength, even if it was an illusion, and you know how much better off and happier you were. Feeling that again is worth you trying once more. You may have to try multiple times to finally reach your full strength potential, but once you get there it’ll have been worth it. Never settle for anything, but what you know you truly deserve. Life just sometimes makes us work harder for it, so when we reach our bliss we can truly enjoy and appreciate it.