Life can be hard enough on its own, but when you start blaming yourself for things it only seems that much darker. So many of us have the tendency when things go wrong we blame ourselves. Maybe we didn’t try hard enough. Maybe we aren’t good enough. Maybe we aren’t special enough. You can’t control when life is going to give you a break but you do have control over your own mind. Sometimes things aren’t going to work out but that doesn’t mean it was because of you.
We blame ourselves for a variety of things. Not getting a job, having a relationship not work out, a child making bad decisions, not getting that A on an exam…on and on the list can go. Not everything in life is going to work out the way you want it to, and you aren’t to blame. Maybe we blame ourselves because of our own insecurities. We don’t have faith in our decisions and actions. The moment something doesn’t work out we blame ourselves because we doubted ourselves all along to begin with. We knew we would fail; we just didn’t work hard enough, prepare enough, or be worth enough for this thing to work out.
The thing is if you want something, and I mean really want something, you will do everything you can. When it doesn’t work out that doesn’t mean you didn’t do everything in your power, it just means it’s not meant to be. Don’t blame or doubt yourself. Maybe it wasn’t the moment. Maybe it just isn’t meant to be. Learn to celebrate even when you don’t succeed. Success shouldn’t be defined by crossing the finish line, but by acknowledging the effort you put in.
Being a gay man, I’ve always tried to walk this line of not allowing the fact that I am gay define me as a person. I am more than just a gay man, that’s just a tiny aspect of who I am. Yet in the wolrd we live in now, that aspect is a big label I must choose to wear or hide. This moment in history calls for those who want change to speak loudly, and wear that label as visible as possible. There is nothing wrong with being gay but just not broadcasting it, that’s a personal choice. But in order to make change happen, we must change us. We must wear this label until the world realizes that this label is nothing more than just a tiny part of that person, not something that should define them.
I live in a world where I live in fear of holding another man’s hand or kissing a man I love in public. No one should live in a world where being themselves puts their life at risk. I know who I am, and so should the world. I am someone who wants to love and be loved. Why should I be afraid of love? Why should I be afraid to show my love to the world?
I want to live in a world where the word gay/lesbian/transgender are obsolete. I don’t want to be defined by a word. I want to be define by the kind of person I am. How I treat others. How I allow others to treat me. I just want to be Adrian.
Why can’t the world just be happy with that?
Don’t be worried about yesterday or tomorrow, there’s nothing you can do about it. Instead focus on what you can do today.
We spend so much energy worrying about mistakes in our past, or being afraid of what’s to come. If we learned to reroute that energy into our present day we would conquer each day.
We have all been in the same exact situation as illustrated in the picture, okay well minus us being a fish or being in a class with an elephant. But we’ve all been in a situation where no matter how hard we try we just can’t suceed at the task in hand. When we don’t suceed we automatically call ourselves stupid or get down on ourselves. It doesn’t help when someone else seems to thrive at it, making it look easy.
One of the easiest examples is school. We are graded in specific subjects; math, science, reading, and physcial education among other things. If you are good at all those things then that’s great, but most of us tend to have things we just can’t seem to conquer. In scholl I could solve an arduous math problem, but if you asked me to throw a fifty yard pass….it’s more likely that it would snow in Texas….in july. School does a great job at instilling in us this idea that our talents can be graded and compared to others.
This mentally is then carried into adulthood. We like to compare how much money we make, the size of our homes, the kind of car we drive, even what jobs we have. The sad thing is if you live your life comparing yourself to someone else you will never be fully happy.
I’ve learned as I’ve grown to not compare myself to anyone else. We all have things we thrive in but that also means we have things in which we just can’t suceed in. Those things I’m not good at shouldn’t diminish the things I am good at.
Just remeber the fish may not be able to climb that tree, but it can outswim us all in the ocean. You just need to find your ocean.
I confess…I’m guilty. I don’t consider my posts so much as advice giving but rather inner-discoveries that I like to share. Yet, sometimes the things I write about to help others, I fail to do myself. Part of us might want to sabotage our growth and prosperity.
How many times in life do we tell ourselves that this isn’t a good idea, or this situation isn’t right for us. It can happen almost daily, yet they are times when we don’t listen to our inner-self even when we know it’s good advice. Do we not trust our own judgement? Do we not find ourselves worthy enough to listen to?
If we know the right thing to do, we should do it. It might be hard and scary but at the end of the day, most of the advice you give yourself is what will lead to your true happiness. Nobody will give you better advice than yourself. You are worthy, so value yourself and listen to your own good advice.
When I read this quote posted by one of my favorite Twitter people (@JordanBach), I immediately understood where it was coming from. As I’ve grown I’ve come to understand that I don’t have control of everything in my life, and that is okay. The more you try to control everything around you the more you cut yourself off from the world, and by default you cut yourself off from actually living.
“To be alive is to be vulnerable”
The people who enjoy life the most are the ones that don’t worry about things not going there way. Life is an ever revolving ball of energy that shouldn’t be tamed. You should try and control some things in your life but if you really want to feel alive sometimes you need to let your guard down and be vulnerable. You are exposing yourself to the possibility of loss, hurt, or failure but at the same time you are opening yourself up to the possibility of bliss, success and happiness.
One of the things we tend to stop being vulnerable in as we get older is love. The older we get the more failed relationships we are bound to collect. To love someone is to become vulnerable, you are opening yourself up to someone and showing them who you really are. You devote time and energy on building this relationship on the basis of the love. When it falls apart, the more vulnerable you were in the relationship the more it’ll hurt. Feeling pain and hurt is not a pleasant experience so no one would purposefully try and inflict it upon themselves but when it comes to love sometimes pain is just part of the cycle. One shouldn’t stop falling in love so as to not become vulnerable once again. If you become so afraid of being vulnerable in a relationship then you will never find that true love. Being in a happy and succesful relationship is dependent on both individuals being vulnerable and allowing themselves to be open to love.
To take chances is to be vulnerable. We all know that taking chances is a scary thing, you just never know which way things might end up. Staying on the same route is easy and reassuring because you know what’s coming up next but at the same time staying on the same route for too long can make someone stop living. We have all seen people “living” their lives but they seem almost robotic, not really alive. They never change up their routine, same thing day in and day out. Sometimes you need to take a chance and go down a different route. Be vulnerable to the experiences that may arise from this new path.
We should all be students of life. To gain the most knowledge possible we must remain open to the things life may throw our way. Don’t be afraid to take chances or let someone in. Being vulnerable isn’t a sign of weakness but the courage of strong willed individual. Don’t be afraid to allow yourself to be vulnerable, it’s one of the best ways to learn who you really are.
I’ve always had this fear of never finding someone to share my life with, and up until yesterday I thought that was my biggest fear. But yesterday while I was watching an online stream by Jordan Bach (check out his Twitter @JordanBach, he posts some great life-affirming quotes) he said something about one of his past fears…someone seeing him. Not just physically seeing him but actually being able to see who he was. At that moment it clicked in me, I’ve dealt with this for as long as I can remember, I was just never able to put it together. My greatest fear was that someone would see through all my bullsh*t and be able to see the real me.
I’ve dealt with insecurity as to who I was and if who I was, was valuable. I always told myself that I was different, especially in my family, and that no one would really understand me. As I grew older I sort of put on this persona to the world; this sarcastic, confident, and goofy guy. Everyone likes a funny person, so that’s what I became. It’s not that I needed to be loved or accepted but I just didn’t want people to see the real me and find out I’m worthless. When you are the funny person in the group people come to you to smile, not to get into deep meaningful conversations.
The longer people would stick around me, the more they realized they really didn’t know much about me. I wasn’t one to share my feelings or my thoughts to people in my life, I kept that all within me. I myself couldn’t handle my own thoughts at times, much less someone else. I wanted to be visible but at the same time I was trying to keep the real me invisible. I was one person trying to do two things that continously clashed with each other.
It wasn’t until my last relationship that I noticed the negative effect this was having in my life. You can’t possibly try to share your life with someone else, if you don’t allow the other person to see the real you. Things would happen in my life and instead of going to my partner to talk about them, I would keep them within myself. When my partner would ask if something was off (obviously you can’t hide your true state of mind sometimes), I would react negatively towards him. You can’t keep things in all the time because you reach a point where something random can set you off for no reason.
If I try to keep the real me invisible because I don’t like a part of me then those around me won’t get to see the positive things I have to offer. Fear holds us back from fully being able to understand the limitless possibilities that are in our lives. We shouldn’t let fear stop us from being the individuals we are really meant to be. Relinquish the fear and let the endless possibilities flow into your daily life. Some of the greatest things in life come from breaking free of fear and experiencing life for what it can be, without limitations.