Being a gay man, I’ve always tried to walk this line of not allowing the fact that I am gay define me as a person. I am more than just a gay man, that’s just a tiny aspect of who I am. Yet in the wolrd we live in now, that aspect is a big label I must choose to wear or hide. This moment in history calls for those who want change to speak loudly, and wear that label as visible as possible. There is nothing wrong with being gay but just not broadcasting it, that’s a personal choice. But in order to make change happen, we must change us. We must wear this label until the world realizes that this label is nothing more than just a tiny part of that person, not something that should define them.
I live in a world where I live in fear of holding another man’s hand or kissing a man I love in public. No one should live in a world where being themselves puts their life at risk. I know who I am, and so should the world. I am someone who wants to love and be loved. Why should I be afraid of love? Why should I be afraid to show my love to the world?
I want to live in a world where the word gay/lesbian/transgender are obsolete. I don’t want to be defined by a word. I want to be define by the kind of person I am. How I treat others. How I allow others to treat me. I just want to be Adrian.
Why can’t the world just be happy with that?
When I saw this on Instagram, I instantly knew I wanted to do it.
A lot of times as our year starts wrapping up we think about all the hardships we’ve faced, so it’s quite easy to forget the great moments we experienced throughout a year. We especially forget those moments that are minuscule in the over all memory, but in that moment brought us great pleasure and happiness.
I would encourage all of you working on grasping more of life’s positivity to make your own jar. Write down those moments that made you smile as soon as you can. As the year goes on you’ll be able to look at the growing abundance of happiness in that jar. Come New Years Eve 2015, open it up and start the new year with so much good mojo.
When I read this quote posted by one of my favorite Twitter people (@JordanBach), I immediately understood where it was coming from. As I’ve grown I’ve come to understand that I don’t have control of everything in my life, and that is okay. The more you try to control everything around you the more you cut yourself off from the world, and by default you cut yourself off from actually living.
“To be alive is to be vulnerable”
The people who enjoy life the most are the ones that don’t worry about things not going there way. Life is an ever revolving ball of energy that shouldn’t be tamed. You should try and control some things in your life but if you really want to feel alive sometimes you need to let your guard down and be vulnerable. You are exposing yourself to the possibility of loss, hurt, or failure but at the same time you are opening yourself up to the possibility of bliss, success and happiness.
One of the things we tend to stop being vulnerable in as we get older is love. The older we get the more failed relationships we are bound to collect. To love someone is to become vulnerable, you are opening yourself up to someone and showing them who you really are. You devote time and energy on building this relationship on the basis of the love. When it falls apart, the more vulnerable you were in the relationship the more it’ll hurt. Feeling pain and hurt is not a pleasant experience so no one would purposefully try and inflict it upon themselves but when it comes to love sometimes pain is just part of the cycle. One shouldn’t stop falling in love so as to not become vulnerable once again. If you become so afraid of being vulnerable in a relationship then you will never find that true love. Being in a happy and succesful relationship is dependent on both individuals being vulnerable and allowing themselves to be open to love.
To take chances is to be vulnerable. We all know that taking chances is a scary thing, you just never know which way things might end up. Staying on the same route is easy and reassuring because you know what’s coming up next but at the same time staying on the same route for too long can make someone stop living. We have all seen people “living” their lives but they seem almost robotic, not really alive. They never change up their routine, same thing day in and day out. Sometimes you need to take a chance and go down a different route. Be vulnerable to the experiences that may arise from this new path.
We should all be students of life. To gain the most knowledge possible we must remain open to the things life may throw our way. Don’t be afraid to take chances or let someone in. Being vulnerable isn’t a sign of weakness but the courage of strong willed individual. Don’t be afraid to allow yourself to be vulnerable, it’s one of the best ways to learn who you really are.
Being happy doesn’t happen overnight, it’s a process. If being happy was easy everyone would be, but I’ve learned it takes a lot of changes in ones life to reach that level of happiness. One of the things I have recently come to understand is the difference between Want and Need. So much of our sadness or anger comes from not getting something we think we Need. A lot of times we just assume we Need things to be happy, and when we don’t get them we become upset. What we Need to realize is there is very little we actually Need, and a lot of things we just Want.
We Need fundamentals; water, food, shelter, and oxygen. That’s really the only things we really Need. Without these things you wouldn’t be alive. With out these things there is no possibility for you to be happy in your life. You also Need personal love. You Need to realize that you have everything within you that you Need to be happy. You don’t Need anyone else to love you, even though that is a nice feeling, ultimately you can be happy with your own self-love.
Sadly we confuse a lot of Wants with Needs. You don’t need someone to be happy. After a break-up many times you feel like you Need them back or you will never be happy. Really you just Want them back so you don’t have to feel the pain you are in now. The sooner you realize this the easier it’ll be to let them go and move on. Having a partner can attribute to an incresase in happiness but you can find happiness without them. You Need to realize you don’t Need a partner, you just Want one. If you are one of the lucky ones, you will find this Want and increase your happiness. If you don’t fill this Want then that is okay, it shouldn’t hinder you from exploring other avenues to increase your happiness. As human we seem to have this desire to find love outside of ourselves, we are so obsessed it easily becomes a Need in our minds. Once you are able to find your own love within yourself, you slowly realize that any other possible love is just a Want.
We tend to have this sense of entitlement to many things in our lives, we just assume it’s meant for us thus we Need it. If we are able to look at each thing in our life at the moment that is causing us grief objectively, we would realize we don’t need most of these things. You don’t Need to drive a one-hundred-thousand dollar car, you just might Want it. You don’t Need to be a size two, you just might Want it. You don’t Need your family’s approval, you just Want it. Learn to seperate the Want and the Need, and trust me your eyes will open to how much you already have. Most of the things we need to be happy our already in our lives, we just need to realize it.
I’ve always had this fear of never finding someone to share my life with, and up until yesterday I thought that was my biggest fear. But yesterday while I was watching an online stream by Jordan Bach (check out his Twitter @JordanBach, he posts some great life-affirming quotes) he said something about one of his past fears…someone seeing him. Not just physically seeing him but actually being able to see who he was. At that moment it clicked in me, I’ve dealt with this for as long as I can remember, I was just never able to put it together. My greatest fear was that someone would see through all my bullsh*t and be able to see the real me.
I’ve dealt with insecurity as to who I was and if who I was, was valuable. I always told myself that I was different, especially in my family, and that no one would really understand me. As I grew older I sort of put on this persona to the world; this sarcastic, confident, and goofy guy. Everyone likes a funny person, so that’s what I became. It’s not that I needed to be loved or accepted but I just didn’t want people to see the real me and find out I’m worthless. When you are the funny person in the group people come to you to smile, not to get into deep meaningful conversations.
The longer people would stick around me, the more they realized they really didn’t know much about me. I wasn’t one to share my feelings or my thoughts to people in my life, I kept that all within me. I myself couldn’t handle my own thoughts at times, much less someone else. I wanted to be visible but at the same time I was trying to keep the real me invisible. I was one person trying to do two things that continously clashed with each other.
It wasn’t until my last relationship that I noticed the negative effect this was having in my life. You can’t possibly try to share your life with someone else, if you don’t allow the other person to see the real you. Things would happen in my life and instead of going to my partner to talk about them, I would keep them within myself. When my partner would ask if something was off (obviously you can’t hide your true state of mind sometimes), I would react negatively towards him. You can’t keep things in all the time because you reach a point where something random can set you off for no reason.
If I try to keep the real me invisible because I don’t like a part of me then those around me won’t get to see the positive things I have to offer. Fear holds us back from fully being able to understand the limitless possibilities that are in our lives. We shouldn’t let fear stop us from being the individuals we are really meant to be. Relinquish the fear and let the endless possibilities flow into your daily life. Some of the greatest things in life come from breaking free of fear and experiencing life for what it can be, without limitations.
Careful what you love because that’s what you could lose.
Think one of the hardest things in life is deciding who to give your heart to. We have all given our hearts away only to have them returned broken. Some of us never recover from that, we grow fearful and doubtful of anyone attempting to receive our heart. We build up these walls to protect our heart, but all we are really doing is shutting ourselves down.
We can only be truly happy when we are free and open to the world. We can’t live in fear of hurt or pain. Whether we have these walls built up or not, hurt will happen. If you keep building up these walls more and more with each new hurt then you will have closed any opportunity for true love to arrive.
Nobody likes to have a broken heart but people who aren’t afraid to love freely are the ones who find love first. They take each heartbreak as a step closer to finding that true love. Your heart is a muscle, the only way to build a stronger and bigger muscle is to tear it up and let it rebuild bigger and better. Don’t be afraid to workout your heart. Be open to giving your heart away to those who deserve it, and don’t be afraid.
I showed you my weaknesses You showed me my strengths I thought you would show me our future You showed me to a broken heart Left me with a million broken pieces.
Even with you gone You helped me move on The strength you helped me find Rebuilt me stronger than ever.
How can I forget you Even after our end You were there to show me my strength For that I will always love you.