Small Expectations

This may sound weird but I think of the most negative things one can have in life is expectations. Growing up and being the “smart one” so many people would tell me they expected me to do great things. When people expect things from you there’s this automatic fear of not reaching those expectations and being a failure. Not reaching the potential all these people expect you to reach, or maybe even expectations you put upon yourself. 

All those expectations that are fed to you can start manipulating decisions you make. You may even start believing these expectations need to come true, even if it’s not what you really want. Sometimes people get so swept up in expectations that they decide to try and reach those expectations. The problem is, you can’t fake your way down a path you don’t believe in. No matter how strong the desire to please these people with expectations for you (family, teachers, friends, strangers), forcing yourself to do something you don’t really want only leads to emptiness. 

Sometimes we put expectations on ourselves. The thing is life is chaos and not everything you desire can come to fruition. When you don’t reach those expectations; you assume you are a failure, you didn’t try hard enough, or you just aren’t worth achieving it. No matter how much work you put into it, you aren’t meant to reach those expectations. By no means should this diminish who you are, it’s just one of those things you need to shake off and move on from. You should admire the work and effort you put into it, and not dwell on not reaching the “expectation”. 

I’ve seen, and I’ve been one of those myself, so many people work and stress themselves beyond the breaking point for these so called expectations. At the end of the day you need do to what feels good to you, and not expect anything from it. If you pick a path it shouldn’t be to reach the end, it should be to experience that journey. If you start something off already expecting what the end will be, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. All you need to believe in is your potential, and that could take you to unexpected places. 

 

Happy New Years Best Friends!

Just wanted to wish all of you a quick Happy New Years (from my tub)!

Remember everyday is a chance to grow and learn. Wake up each day with a smile and a passion to learn from every situation. Be a beacon of light and life.

The Secret to Happiness

Glad you could join me on this beautiful day to learn the secret to obtaining a happy and a stress free life. So are you ready? Get your pen and notepad out. (Do people even use notepads?)

F*#! You….

That’s the secret. Not the words but the meaning they can carry. We grow up with various strings attached to ourselves, they come from family, school, and society. Little strings that control the actions and even decisions we make. The problem is when we are old enough to have a self realized conscious with the ability to think and act for ourselves, yet we don’t detach ourselves from the strings. We may be oblivious to the outside factors controlling us or even afraid to take our life into our own hands.

I wouldn’t stray you down a wrong path, saying F*#! You to those outside forces and taking full control of your life is the most liberating thing you will ever do. There will be fear…fear of the unknown. People who enjoy life the most are the ones who faced the unknown and lost. I said it…lost. The memories that stick most with you are the ones where you fell flat on your face, but got right back up (even if you had a stream of blood coming down your face), not the ones where you walked safely across a street. Trying to live life without any mistakes or fails, is impossible and stressful. You will fail, and more than once. But if you believe in yourself you know that you have the strength to move on and try again or move on to something else.

Not worrying about what others will think or say is refreshing. Afterall, this is your life, no one else’s. For the most part the people around you want you to suceed and be happy, they don’t want you to suffer. They may disagree with something in your life , not to rain on your parade but because they truly think it’s a bad choice. The thing is, if it makes you happy go for it. Don’t let other’s opinions keep you from doing what you want to do. Your friends might be right, and the decision you made will blow up in your face later but if you never took that chance then you would always think “what if”. Just chalk it up as another adventure.

Life is really too short to always play it safe. If it makes you happy in this moment do it. If later on you realize it was a mistake then you will move on and grow from that experience. It really is true that we learn more from making mistakes then being correct. Don’t be afraid to take life into your hands.

Some say that the universe only puts hard things into your life because it knows you can handle it. I truly believe that. If you ever doubt yourself, then know that I know you can do it. That may not be a big boost, but it’s true. Remember to just say F*#! You and go for it.

Life Lessons

Earlier today I was thinking this year I would be celebrating my twenty-fifth birthday, and how far I’ve come. It really seems that every year I grow and become more comfortable in my own skin. I’ve even learned to appreciate those moments in life when it seemed life was overwhelming and I was drowning. I actually welcome birthdays because I know more life experiences are to come, and hopefully even further growth and understanding.

When you are younger there seems to be this naiveness on the future. We have these big dreams and never foresee any trouble. We are told if we work hard and never give up, we can get anything we want. At some point you come to realize that sometimes the dreams you had in mind for yourself aren’t going to come true. We may not have the dedication, skills, or motivation to reach those dreams. The things is there’s nothing wrong with not bringing dreams into reality. Over time you change and things that once were important to you may not be as vital as they once were. Not reaching dreams or goals doesn’t reflect that you are a failure, only thing it reflects is that it wasn’t meant for you. 

As you grow you also learn that the only opinion that matters is your own. I can’t speak for everyone but growing up I put pressure on myself to do well because others expected it of me. I didn’t want to let others down, so I even pushed myself to do things that I had no interest in but I knew others expected of me. I’ve learned that at the end of the day the only person in your body is you. It doesn’t matter what all these people tell you throughout the day, at night you have to live with your actions and decisions. Living your life for others will only leave you empty and lost. I don’t care of others think I didn’t reach my full potential or that I maybe settled, if I am happy with my actions and decisions then that’s all that matters. We only have once chance at life, so you should be the one dictating it.

One of the biggest things I’ve learned is that it’s okay to fail. It’s not the end of the world if something doesn’t turn out the way you planned it. Yes, it’s going to hurt when you fail but you will see that everything is still going to be okay. You can’t control everything in life, so things are bound to play out differently than expected. The important thing is that you learn to get back up and try again, or maybe take a different path. Failure has such a negative connotation but it’s actually a good sign. As long as you keep failing it means you are still putting yourself out there and trying. People who never fail are living their lives in a safe place and not taking chances. If you live your life with this fear of failure you are keeping yourself from experiencing life. 

Life is an ever changing thing. You learn with time to go along with the punches, because at the end of the day you are strong enough to take them. Life will knock you down sometimes; the bruises will fade but the knowledge learned won’t. Take in and appreciate every experience even if it’s a negative one, because we tend to learn the most from those dark times.

I hope everyone of you reading this knows that you are strong enough to overcome anything that is placed in front of you. The universe places things in our path to challenge us, not to defeat us (even though is seems that way at times). Never give up in life, keep pushing through the hard times so when you finally reach the good times, you can truly appreciate them. 

Random/Awkward Situations

Don’t you feel that at times your life is just full of strange situations, and all you can do is laugh or you might freak out and cry. Sometimes life just throws these precious gems into your life, but other times you set yourself up for them. In the moment when it’s happening sometimes you just want to shrink down and die, but when you look back you just have to laugh. Ironically a lot of us share the same awkward experiences, yet you always feel like it only happens in your life. 

1. “You too”. Example: you buy a movie ticket and the cashier tells you to enjoy the movie, before you can help yourself you respond “you too”. Awkward! The cashier is obviously working and not going to watch the movie with you. This happens to me a lot when i get something to eat and they tell me to enjoy my meal. The funny part is that you realize what you just said makes no sense, but the worker never seems think your response is strange. 

2. Being Caught Singing. I love to sing, but Im tone deaf. I don’t let my horrible voice keep me from being a rockstar in my car, I sing with the windows down at the top of my lungs. They are times when I forget other people can hear and see me when I am jamming out. All of a sudden I whip my head to the beat and realize there is a car right next to me at the stop light. This is the moment I slowly roll up the windows and lower the volume of the stereo. 

3. First…wait…Second Date. Thankfully this has never happened to me, but I can understand when I hear it happens to other people. Going on what you think is a first date with someone, but actually you have gone on a date with them before. With all these different online sites people are on, you are bound to run into the same people, but sometimes so much time has gone by you forget and mistakenly set-up a second date. Not only awkward because you don’t realize this until you see them in person and it clicks, then you are left wondering if they even remember you have gone a date before. 

4. Big Mouth. Story of my life! Sometimes you say something and don’t realize there is other people around. I wouldn’t say I am the most politically correct person around, but I try to watch what I say when I’m around new people, it just doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes (if I’m lucky) its something small, like putting down someone’s favorite singer, but it actually tends to often be something big, like putting down a big part of someone’s life. Sometimes the person will speak up, other times at the end of the party one of your friends (most often will tell you as they are laughing) says that your debate on the existence of God really offended the guy in seminary school you had no was there since he never spoke up. Good look at your next run-in. 

5. Running Into An Ex. This has always been awkward to me, especially since I don’t talk to them once we break up. Do you go and say hello, since they obviously saw you, or do you just smile and nod next time you lock eyes? Of course this can escalate from just awkward to bad, if you start breaking down in tears from just seeing your ex and you have to be escorted out by your friends so your ex can’t see you. 

6. Walking Into A Smell. Have you ever walked into an elevator that smelled like a fart? You push for level seven, but the elevator stops early to pick someone up at level three. Now the person coming in probably thinks you farted..awkward. You stand in silence holding your breath, and walk out as fast as you can once the doors open at your floor. Or when you are standing around a large group of people and all of a sudden you catch a whiff of a fart, then you automatically start thinking people will think it’s you because you smelled it first. 

7. Running Into People When You Look Like A Bum. When you dress up to go shopping, you never run into anyone. When you go to the store just to pick something up real quick in your old ratty clothes, you run into everyone. *sigh* One of the Universe favorite pass-times.

8. You Don’t Remember Me. Running into someone and they come start talking to you, in your mind you are thinking, who the heck are you. You play along, then the person realizes you don’t remember them…awkward. As soon as they tell you who they are you, you start nodding “oh of course” but really you still have no idea who they are. 

9. Running Into Family. We all know family can be judgmental and critical, so of course you run into them at the most inopportune times. You are either with your weirdest friend, in a place you don’t want to be seen, or acting inappropriately. 

Life just loves to screw with us. All we can do is confront these moments head on, or take my route, and hide as fast as you can before someone sees you. Any other awkward moments happen to you lately?

Being an “Adult” Sucks

Do you remember being a kid and all you wanted to do was be an adult so you could move out, drive, and do whatever you wanted? Being a kid sucked, if you wanted to go somewhere you had to beg someone. You didn’t have your own money, so you always had to ask someone to buy it. You were at the mercy of adults, and it felt like they were against you most of the time. Then, you grow up and all you want to do is be a kid. You have to get a job, pay bills, run errands, maintain your home….list goes on and on. The pressure and responsibility are overwhelming at times, you took for granted what being a kid meant.

One of the things that annoys me is when someone tells a kid/teenager to “grow up”. Why? Being that young is the only time to be free and wild, because once you grow up life seems to try and contain you. By no means am I saying let your kids be hoodlums, but remember that once they “grow up” life will never be the same. Let your kids or younger siblings be stupid and make mistakes, because this is probably the only time they will have to do these things and not have major repercussions. Life will make them grow up soon enough, don’t try and rush the process.

Sometimes i see adults and it makes me sad to see that they aren’t living; they are just going through the motions of life. Who’s to say when you become an adult, you have to give up being free and stupid? Life tries to contain you with all the pressures that come of being an adult, but we shouldn’t let it morph us into a zombie. Yes, we have responsibilities and those should come first but those things shouldn’t overtake our lives. Always make time to be silly and immature, you know time to be a kid. Find a balance of taking care of business and taking care of your young spirit. The people who can find this balance are the ones who live a happier and healthier life.

Being an adult sucks. But if you can find a balance, those moments that truly suck won’t bother you as much as they used to. Don’t let growing up suffocate the kid spirit that we can posses for our entire life. Maybe we should stop looking at things as being a kid or an adult, maybe we are just evolving as we experience more of life.  As we evolve we can take on more so life throws tougher situations at us.

One of my role models is Walt Disney, he was a brilliant man and much of his success came from never losing his inner child.

“Why do we have to grow up? I know more adults who have the children’s approach to life. They’re people who don’t give a hang what the Joneses do. They are not afraid to be delighted with simple pleasures, and they have a degree of contentment with what life has brought – sometimes it isn’t much, either.” — Walt Disney

Carrying Negativity

     Why is it so hard to let go of anger and hurt? I’ve never met anyone who said they enjoy spending hours crying and in pain. It’s not much fun either to waste energy being mad at someone. Yet you see people all the time thrashing someone or posting some depressing song quote online. I’m not saying don’t show any emotion but people tend to let these feelings consume them.

     The easiest example is the ending of a relationship. It’s rare for a relationship to end equally amicably, there always seems to be one person who comes out hurt. You spend time, energy, and emotions in a relationship that ends. Naturally, you aren’t going to be smiling and undamaged when it ends. Most research says that it takes an average of half the time your relationship lasted for you to get over the breakup. You may get over the breakup but what about the emotional baggage? If your relationship ended because of cheating or lying, that could lead to a mistrust in your next relationship. Not only mistrust, but a rage can build inside yourself “how dare they/how could they” these thoughts can slowly drive one a bit insane. We all know someone who might of gone a bit crazy; maybe keyed their ex’s car, trash an ex’s stuff, or even tried to drink their pain away. 

     Some people grow up in an environment that is healthy. Not every adult is meant to raise another human being, nonetheless it happens. You have parents who verbally and physically attack their children. Resentments is something that happens quite often in this situation. These kids grow up, and as soon as they can they leave this environment they pack up their bags. They have gone through so much, they hold anger and resentment towards their parents. Sometimes society seems to treat you like a second class citizen, either you aren’t the right size, color, gender, orientation, or whatever else doesn’t fit the “norm”. People call you names, and can even make you second guess, maybe they are right. You can grow up believing what they say, and even make you change yourself to try and fit in. You can grow to feel resentments towards yourself.

     Life loves to test us. Going through life you are bound to get beaten a bit, and it can leave scarring. Where we can go wrong is when we let these things control and shape our lives. When it comes to relationships, we need to remember that not every person after your ex is the same. Don’t carry the negativity to something that should start off positive. When you project and allow negativity to come into your life, you are allowing these people to hold you back. Growing up in a hostile home, can make it very hard to forgive your parents once you move on. Sometimes our parents do the best they can, and they still fail. At the end of the day they are still the reason you are here, don’t let their mistakes or inadequacy keep them from being your parents. Then you have people in society who love to attack those different than themselves. These people are just ignorant and scared. When someone tries using a derogatory word on you, just brush it off. They don’t know what they are saying, but you do know who you are. 

      Don’t allow anyone to bring you down in life. Don’t allow negativity that comes from people affect you and infect your life. One of the best feelings is forgiving those who have given you scars. Don’t carry anger, resentment, and hurt longer than you need to. Life is a long journey, lets not carry anything extra that we don’t need to.

Friends

     It seems that as you get older you start losing friends. It’s just one of those unexplained mysteries in life. Its not like you planned to dump all these people but slowly it just occurs, and don’t even try arguing that you are still friends with these people because you still have them as Facebook Friends. Liking a photo and wishing someone a Happy Birthday on Facebook does not mean you are friends, stop lying to yourself! The funny thing is, every once in a while an old friend will pop into mind but even though you may have fond memories they really aren’t missing from your life. It’s kind of Friendship Darwinism, only the strong survive, or as I like to think of it the survival of people that truly bring something to the table.

     When I think of the friends I have now, I can pinpoint why each one is my friend and why I value them. When I was in high school I wouldn’t of had a real answer as to why I was friends with some of those people. Now I do, and it truly is a great thing. I’m not wasting my time and energy on people who aren’t important. As cliche as it sounds, life is too short to waste time with people who dont matter. The people that surround you should make you be a better person, they don’t change you but help you open your eyes. I’m not saying every single one of your friends has to be an Oprah, Jesus, Gandhi, or Britney Spears (hey don’t judge, she’s open my eyes) but they should each bring something to your life. 

     When I look at my friends, it’s an interesting mix. Not just different personalities, but also different connections that I have with them. Some friends, you see everyday and some you see rarely, but yet you have a much stronger bond with them. I have friends that i can openly discuss weird sexual encounters, and can share their own experiences back (everyone needs at least one friend like this). For example, not many of the people I know would discuss a guy they dated that liked to rub his penis on their foot, I mean come on. Then I have that one friend who can discuss our bowel movements, you would think this isn’t interesting….you would be mistaken. Then I know that one person who I can talk out my thoughts to and won’t judge but listen.

     Even though we might lose friends during our journey of life, the good ones tend to stay around. Be grateful for the ones that are bringing positivity and growth to your life. If you realize you have friends who aren’t doing this, maybe you should think about why they are in your life. Don’t waste energy on people who aren’t worth it, you’ll regret it later in life. We may have no choice in our families, but we have a say in our friends. Pick an Oprah, not a Lindsay Lohan.